


Lost And Found

by iconis



Category: NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: M/M, Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-06-03
Updated: 2007-06-03
Packaged: 2017-10-15 10:55:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/160133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iconis/pseuds/iconis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>True love isn't easy, but they manage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost And Found

"It's not even the first day of recording yet, so could we for the love of everything that's holy stop talking about touring and buses and shit? I'd fucking love to have something to promote first, at least."

The ache behind Joey's eyes gets worse every minute. Joey knows they don't really mean it, not really, deep down somewhere, but it still gets on his nerves. He hasn't been able to talk to Chris in weeks, no one has, without getting yelled at, and it's kind of frightening - Chris is a unpredictable, sharp-tongued little bastard with a lot of issues, but Joey has never seen him this angry, this hostile, not even when they were in the middle of the lawsuit. Chris is unreachable, and it terrifies Joey.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. You're right. I wasn't making any suggestions or plans or anything, man, alright? Just bullshitting to pass the time."

Chris glares at Joey, crosses his arms and stares at him until the others' arrive.

The first day of recording comes quickly, and it's worse than a nightmare. Lance sits in the corner, disgustingly quiet, listening to them, face gray under his tan. JC is full of such nervous energy and he keeps bouncing a bit and stretching his legs, cracking his jaw like he's on speed, and can't really be talked to because it feels like he's not really listening. His eyes are on Justin constantly, watching him, measuring him in a way JC's never been able to measure another human being before, and it disconcerts Joey more than anything.

Chris is there, constantly making sneaky little digs at everyone, but mostly Joey - Joey tries to believe it's because Chris trusts him not to throw punches or give him the silent treatment longer than a few hours. When Chris walks into the booth and starts working on his parts, JC and Justin focus on the work, and Joey breathes a bit more easily for a while. Lance barely speaks to them all day, stepping outside to have a long talk on the phone, with someone who can make him smile. It hard to admit how much Joey misses being that person.

Joey sits down with a deep sigh and rubs at his eyes. He knew it would be hard, he did, but the awkwardness, feeling so uncomfortable with people he used to be family with, seems to wear him down completely. He knew it would be bad, but he never expected anything like this, like feeling like he's constantly in between something, like he either needs to move out of the way or stand there in the middle of it all to make sure it all doesn't fall down completely, all they've built together in these weeks. Years.

"You're flat at every single try, man, I can't help if it sounds like shit!" Justin hisses. "I've tried every single damn thing and I. Can't. Fix. It."

Joey turns to look at JC who's glaring at the back of Justin's head. Next to him, Lance is rolling his eyes. Lance is much more relaxed now than a few days ago, but much less interested in ever coming near a recording booth with the four of them again. Joey's kind of glad for that little piece of normalcy.

"Funny how no one else can hear it, kid. Maybe all the excessive baselines you have to dance to have finally fucked up your hearing for good. Just, Joe, c'mon, ignore the little shit, I wan't to get the hell out of here."

Joey's cheeks are burning, from the tension and stress. It should be getting better by now, it should, but it's just worse, they're barely talking to each other anymore outside feedback and insults, and Joey hates sinking into that same pattern. He's tried, he's tried so hard to make it work, to de-stress Justin and encourage Lance and calm JC down; he even likes to think that he's helping Chris just by being there, taking the brunt of his anger, but it's not working, they're not working.

This was supposed to be the easy part, the friendship, the work, being together and re-connecting.

Justin looks at Chris, pursing his lips, half looking like he'll throw a hissyfit, half like he just got off told by his momma. Chris looks at Justin, then Joey, expectant. "What the hell are we waiting for?"

Joey tries to hold it in, he really does, but the frustration and anger comes out of him as a desperate noise. "Jesus fucking Christ on a Goddamn pogo stick, it's like working with a bunch of nine-year-olds! I'm just, how hard would it be to just not act like idiots and focus on the work and suck it in for a while, so we'd get something done here and there, huh? Huh? You guys enjoying this so much that you want to drag it along as long as you can? Since we're having so much fun?"

The looks on the guys' faces are pretty priceless. Joey isn't the type to storm off like Chris and Justin are, he's not used to yelling at them like this, and he finds himself deflating, looking at all of them. He doesn't want to be disappointed anymore, he doesn't want to look at the guys, his guys, in resentment, and he's so close going there, being so far from them. "So how about we just. Take a step back and get back to it tomorrow? Take the morning off tomorrow, start off the day with a group meeting at my house, 'kay?" Joey hates the tone of his voice, sounding so tired and resigned. No wonder he sounds flat - he feels flat, a bit too broken and for the first time in their thirteen years, Joey's not sure he can fix them.

Joey sleeps like the dead and wakes up, still weary and exhausted. He's invited the guys over at one, and he wakes up just before noon, showers briefly, doesn't bother shaving. He pulls on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and pads to the kitchen, starting two pots of coffee and pulls out all the makings for BLTs, making big stacks of on two big plates while drinking his first mug of coffee. He checks the fridge, makes sure he has the things the guys like ready for them - it's a force of habit, to shop for all of them even when they're scattered across the continent, even the world.

Justin is the first to arrive, not using his key but ringing the doorbell, and when Joey opens the door, Justin can barely look at him.

"Hey, Justin."

Justin nods, steps in past Joey, hands in his backpockets, looking a lot younger than 28. Joey closes the door and smiles hesitantly.

"Hey, Joe." Justin swallows visibly. "Dude, I'm. Sorry. Really, Joey, I didn't mean. I don't know what the hell's wrong with us. With me-"

Joey waves his hand, doesn't want to hear it. "It's okay, Justin. Seriously. Bygones. I'm, I think we should just start over, 'kay? Forget about all of the crap."

Justin sighs miserably, follows Joey's lead to the kitchen, pours himself a mug of coffee.

"I just want it to be good, y'know. I want it to be great, Joey, I don't." Justin's voice is quiet, determined. "I'm fucking scared this'll tank and. That'll be the end of it."

Joey nods, sighing. "I know you do, Justin. I just. I really wish you wouldn't treat the rest of us like we're the thing pulling the record down, Justin. Like we're the awful necessity and some sort of burden in all of this."

Justin looks stricken, hand holding the coffee mug shaking lightly. "I never. I've, I didn't mean to. Really, Joey, I haven't." Justin swallows thickly, clears his throat.

"I know, man. I know, I don't want to blame you for everything, seriously, but there's enough strain from outside the group without you adding to it."

Justin nods. "I know, I know. Seriously, Joey, I'm sorry-"

Joey smiles, shakes his head. "Man, save it for the others. I'm not mad at you, any of you. I just. I'm tired of this, I wanna move and get everything moving. Enough things I've ruined in the past."

Justin's face falls, his eyes have the softest look in a long while. "Joey, c'mon. You can't blame yourself for Kelly. I thought things were okay with you guys."

"They are now. I just." Joey shakes his head. "Let's just drop it. Have a sandwich."

Justin looks like he wants to say more, but stays quiet. He steps close to Joey, wraps an arm around his waist and kisses his cheek sweetly. "BLTs?"

Joey grins. "What else?"

The guys arrive one at a time, Lance staying behind out on the driveway, talking on the phone again. When he comes in his cheeks are flushed and he smiles easily. The mood is weird, everyone's quiet and careful around him, even Chris, who watches all of them, drinking mug after mug of coffee, leg bouncing desperately. It's too quiet for them, too tense and laden with something unspoken.

It's only after Joey can't stand it anymore and pours himself a stiff drink at two thirty in the afternoon that things start to loosen up. He's in the kitchen, putting away the bottle of rum when Lance walks in the kitchen.

"Don't bother putting it away. Unless you have vodka?"

Joey pulls out a bottle of Lance's favorite. "Help yourself."

Lance grins, toothy and sharp. "Thanks, Joe." He pats Joey's shoulder gently, lingering close until Joey sighs and tugs him into a tight hug.

"How long I've known you, and I still don't know how you can't just come and hug me, you freak?"

Lance sighs, smiles against Joey's neck. "We're all sorry, Joe."

Joey lets out a deep, hard breath, like he's been expecting this even though he hasn't. His bandmates are such girls.

"I should've know they'd send you. What the hell are you apologizing to me for? You've been mean little bitches to each other, not to me. I can't believe you guys did this again. How many conference calls did it take last night, huh?"

Lance hums, pulls back, and shrugs with a sweet little smile. "A couple. You're just the one who takes it the hardest, Joey."

Joey snorts. "I'd elect Chris for that job, actually."

Lance smile fades. "Chris's problems aren't. They're not about the group."

Joey lifts an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Lance sighs, goes and gets a glass, making himself a drink. Realization dawns on Joey slowly, watching Lance.

"He's still. Fuck, Lance, you guys still haven't-"

Lance face changes into a determined, stubborn frown, a look Joey knows so well.

"He hasn't said anything. He's 37 years old, if he can't come out and say it to me, I won't give him the time of day either. He's had chance after chance, Joe. It's time for me to give up."

"It's Chris, Lance. He doesn't work according to any rules of humanity, you know that."

Lance shrugs, sips on his drink. "His loss."

Joey shakes his head, grins wryly. "You are two stubborn bastards."

"You know it." Lance looks at Joey. "Seriously, Joe. We're all sorry."

"Say it again and I'll kick your ass."

Lance grins, kisses Joey's cheek and walks out of the kitchen, no doubt telling the others mission has been accomplished. They're such girls, the lot of them, but the tension is melting out of Joey's shoulders, the constant worry is letting up in his mind, and he grins mindlessly to himself before stepping out of the kitchen.

They all end up drunk off their asses, sprawled out across Joey's living room. They talk, they finally talk, if not about anything important, but what they've done, where they want to go. It reminds Joey of their first nights together as a group - five boys talking, daydreaming together about things they wanted, things they were going to do when they hit it big. Joey brings that up and they all mock each other mercilessly, remembering things the others had wanted, how silly all those thoughts seem now that they have lived throught it.

Joey falls asleep with his head in JC's lap and his legs tangled with Chris's on the spread out couch, and wakes up the same way, but with Justin lying next to him, curled up around him the best he can. Lance's perfectly pedicured feet are almost in Joey's face where he lies next to Chris, almost touching him but not. Joey just rolls around, lets Justin snuggle in closer, rubs Justin's back and falls back asleep. They'll be hurting when they get up, cranky and sore, and they'll miss another day of studio time, but they're together now, they're in touch with each other, and nothing else matters.

It's the second to last day of recording when Lance walks in just a few steps before Chris, glowing, shooting a beaming smile at Joey. It's the day after Chris's 38th birthday, and by the look on Lance's face, on both their faces, it's finally happened. It doesn't take long for Justin to notice and to nudge JC, and they end up in a ridiculously sappy group hug with Lance in the middle, getting his ass groped by Chris. Joey thinks his face might split from the sheer force of his grin, and when Justin catches his eye, matches his grin, something pleasant twitches in the pit of his belly.

It's later that night that Joey hears the front door open and close and someone activating the alarm.

Justin appears on the doorway, smiling. "Hey. Catch you at a bad time?"

Joey grins. "When do you ever? C'mon, get a beer. Bring me one, too."

Justin rolls his eyes, drops his jacket on the chair and rolls up his sleeves. He steps out of the living room for a moment, and then comes back with two cold beers, plopping down next to him. "Cool about Lance and Chris."

"Yeah. Took a while." Joey clinks his bottle against Justin and grins.

"Sometimes it takes a while to see, huh." There's something strange about Justin's tone of voice and Joey looks at him, finds him looking at his hands, picking at the label on the beet bottle.

"Yeah. Sometimes." Joey tilts his head a bit. Justin's still not looking up. "You okay, kid?"

Justin grins, shrugs. "I guess. I just." He quiets down, finally looking at Joey.

There's something new in Justin's look, something Joey's not sure he recognizes. Justin looks at him for a while and then, suddenly tilts his head and leans close to Joey.

"Try not to hit me in the face." And then he's being kissed, Joey's getting kissed, Justin is kissing him and surprise comes out of him as a yelp in the kiss. Justin's lips are so soft, tasting like Georgia peaches, and it takes a moment for Joey to get with the game, to kiss Justin back with the same intensity.

Justin puts his bottle away, reaching for Joey's and sets them on a side table without once breaking the kiss. He shifts, slides to straddle Joey's hips, and all thought goes out of Joey's head. There's Justin's shaved head, his moist lips, the lines of his long legs, the narrow waist, and then hardness, pressing against Joey's hand. He has to pull back and breathe hard, but he can't stop touching Justin, he rubs at his thighs and the hard bulge in Justin's jeans, and Justin's quiet moans against his skin, into his mouth, are the sexiest thing Joey's ever heard in his life.

Justin shifts and moves and presses Joey down on the couch and makes his breath explode out of him in one deep, loud moan. They're both so hard, rubbing against each other, Justin so responsive but demanding against him and it doesn't take long for Justin to shudder against him, let out achy little moans into Joey's neck. He follows behind in a few thrusts, the wetness and heat of the both of them spreading between them as he kisses Justin slowly.

It's the last day of recording, and it feels like a beginning. After they're done, Justin follows Joey home with a car full of clothes and things and scatters them all over Joey's house without much as a question or a suggestion. Joey loves it, loves him, and even thought it's so new, weird and almost uncomfortable, it's right, it's so right.

They're scheduled everywhere the next week, interview after interview, but they're doing it all together, everything, because they don't want to face any of it alone anymore. They fight, every day, they still don't talk about the important things together unless it's absolutely necessary, but they love each other so deep and hard that on the best of days it doesn't matter who talks or sings, because all their hearts are saying the same thing.


End file.
